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19th Hole: The only hole on which golfers do not complain about the number of shots they took. 404: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found”, meaning the requested document couldn’t be located: “Don’t bother asking him, he’s 404.” A Cappella: Just two, please. AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink. Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach; 2. The art of getting credit for all the home runs that somebody else hits. A person we know who falls short of being a friend, either because he isn’t well-to-do enough, or because he won’t let us borrow from him; 3. The period in which the young suddenly begin to feel a great responsibility about answering the phone; 7. A word used to describe an amount or size, as in “This computer cost quite a bit.” Bitch: A female of a dog or vice versa. Blamestorming: A group process where participants analyze a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves. Blasphemy: What the mine foreman told the miner to do with the dynamite. Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and she turns out to be a sight. Imagine a four function calculator that eats 20 Megs of disk space. Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty. Boinka: The noise through the wall which tells you that the people next door enjoy a better sex life than you do. Bon Vivant: A man who would rather be a good liver than have one. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Boob’s Law: You always find something in the last place you look. Book: A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay awake long enough to read the night before finals. The man who is early when you are late, and late when you are early; 2. Brane: A multidimensional object with dimensions ranging from zero to nine. A man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run; 3. A politician who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the liberal, who wants to replace them with others; 5. Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.” Consultant: 1. AALST: One who changes his name to be nearer the front. Abligo: One who prides himself on not even knowing what day of the week it is. Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. The period when a girl begins to powder and a boy begins to puff; 8. A man who doesn’t believe in putting off until tomorrow what can be dunned today; 2. Blinky-Eyed: How you get when you’re trying to ignore the bed’s call. Blithbury: A look someone gives you which indicates that they’re much too drunk to have understood anything you’ve said to them in the last twenty minutes. Bonds Of Matrimony: Worthless unless the interest is kept up. Book (Best Seller): The gilded tomb of a mediocre talent. A fellow who’ll raise the roof before he’ll raise your salary; 3. A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public. One who does not think that anything should be done for the first time; 6. Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself. Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is; 2. Copyright Defined Coquette: A woman without a heart, who makes a fool of a man who has no head. A profession for which you have to take a Stiff exam. Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record. Absolute Zero: The lowest grade you can get on a test. When boys begin to notice that girls notice boys who notice girls; 10. The age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes; 12. Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. That which the wise don’t need and fools won’t take; 3. A garment with no hooks but plenty of eyes on it; 2. The only place in a government agency where the bureaucrats usually know what they are doing; 3. When a man marries a beautiful girl and a good cook; 6. Bilious: That nauseated feeling you get when you open the mail the first of the month. Billow: What you sleep on when you have a bad cold. Biplane: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear. Book Ends: The part of a book many girls read first. Book Review: A brief but informative essay that spares readers the ordeal of digesting an actual book. Books Never Written Bookworm: A person who would rather read than eat, or a worm that would rather eat than read. Boomerang Workers: Retirees returning to their previous employer. One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself; 10. A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies. Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date; 4. Contraceptive: A labor-saving device to be worn on every conceivable occasion. What you tell the police officer after the burglar has already escaped. Corn-On-The-Cob: The stuff you eat like you play a mouth organ. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Counter-Irritant: The woman who shops all day and buys nothing. Country: A damp sort of place where all sorts of birds fly about uncooked. Absent-Mindedness: Searching for the horse you are riding. Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be; 2. The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible; 13. The one thing which it is “more blessed to give than receive;” 4. You never know whether it’s good or not until you no longer need it; 6. Two or more pieces of contrary angling information contained in a single phrase or sentence; 8. Awkward Age: When girls are too old to count on their fingers and too young to count on their legs. Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when; 2. Bathel: To pretend to have read the book under discussion when in fact you’ve only seen the TV series. A girl who has a lovely profile all the way down; 2. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom. Having one husband too many and monogamy is frequently the same thing; 3. When a man marries a beautiful girl and a good housewife; 7. Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bookbag: A large container in which students store candy bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student IDs, loose change, magazines, and (occasionally) books. Boomeritis: The range of sports-related injuries incurred by baby boomers as they pursue health and physical fitness programs into their old age (such as bursitis, tendonitis, sprains, strains & stress fractures). Border Crossers: Multi-skilled employees who feel comfortable jumping from job to job inside a firm. A man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company; 7. One who is interesting to a point - the point of departure; 11. The kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you; 13. Boss Of The Family: Whoever can spend fifty dollars without thinking it necessary to say anything about it. Botany: The art of insulting flowers in Greek and Latin. Boundary: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. Any ordinary guy more that 50 miles from home or office. Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it. Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness. Corral Enterprises: A company with a lot of stockholders. An arsenal of facial enhancements commonly applied in excess by women and male celebrities who feel the need to look embalmed; 3. Cost Of Living: The difference between your net income and your gross habits. A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example; 2.
An art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing; 2. ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an expert in computing. Provider of decisio Administratiumns that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. Blotter: Something you look for while the ink dries. Bozone Layer: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding. Bronchitis: Fear of the Broncos winning the Super Bowl again. Something that makes you tell your mother before your sister does; 15. Cousin: The relative most likely to be responsible for your trouble.
Emergency teeth to temporarily replace those knocked out by mistake. An instrument invented by the man who couldn’t decide how big the one was that got away; 2. Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle. One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study. Advergaming: Marketing strategy of using video games in which products, brands & logos are placed in the game context to build familiarity. Said to improve cardiopulmonary fitness of those who survive. Affianced: Fitted with an ankle ring for ball-and-chain. A fellow who rises to the occasion - and then stands too long; 2. Usage: “Pass me attair gravy, please.” Attentional Blink: A brief period of inattention following the locating of a target item in a stream of visual stimuli. Auction: A place where, if you aren’t careful, you’ll get something for nodding. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue; 2. A vehicle which is rapidly dividing mankind into two classes: the quick and the dead; 4. Autonomy: What there will be if I gain another 1,800 pounds. Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse). Avenge Yourself: Live long enough to be a problem to your children. Something that gets you down in the daytime and up at night; 9. Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. A chap who believes it’s much better to have loved and lost than to have to get up for the 2 A. A guy with just a single thought: staying that way; 7. A man who can pull on his socks from either end; 13. A place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it. Banquette: The correct rules and behaviour to be followed when you meet your money lender. Barefoot Luxury: A high standard of service in a relaxed and casual setting as at a beachfront hotel. A disease common to women, caught in the Sunday papers and developed in department stores on Mondays; 2. A game in which you young man who bravely strikes out for himself receives no praise for it; 2. Bawl: (Southern) What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. Betamaxed: When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition, as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market.” Betrayed: Ready to go through the cafeteria line. Bewilder: An insect who forgot to take his Ritalin. Bibliomania & Bibliolatry: Symptoms related to “Overdue Excuses Awards for Library Books” Bid: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. Convictions: What an employee has after he knows what the boss thinks.
Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty. Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time. Adoption: Growing in Mommy’s heart, not in her tummy. Affluenza: The epidemic of shopping, overwork, stress and debt infecting America. A-Flat Minor: The result of a piano falling down a mine shaft. A man who knows exactly what not to say, but not when to quit saying it; 3. Though boring, gives us the low-down on a lot of people we used to consider bright; 2. The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test. Assembly Language: Put tab A into slot B, then put tab C into... Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. A man who looks through a telescope and tries to explain all that he can’t see; 4. One who prays when he can think of no other way out of his trouble. Attraction: The act of associating horniness with a particular person. One who can equally and impartially admire all schools of Art; 3. The science of doing it with machines at the plant so that men can have more time to do it themselves at home; 2. Autumn: A second spring when every leaf is a flower. Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly; 2. Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad. Bach Chorale: The place behind the barn where you keep the horses. A man who can take a nap on top of the bedspread; 14. Bamboo: Eye-pleasing, but extremely expensive and difficult-to-maintain type of rod, used primarily by anglers who fish for compliments. Baptism: A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. A test to determine just how old you really are; 2. A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other; 3. A game which consists of tapping a ball with a piece of wood; 3. Usage: “That gal cain’t even bawl water without burnin’ it.” Bay: A body of water surrounded by restaurants. Beach: A place where people lie upon the sand about how rich they are in town. What an eight-year-old will be on next birthday; 2. Bent: The species of grass most often found on greens. Bid Opening: Apoker game in which the losing hand wins. Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
Airflow: Condition of a car created by putting the wife in the back seat. Antiques: 1: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people; 2. See also most of the information the government tells you. Back-Up: Recommended if you meet a skunk in the woods.
Backbite: To speak of a man as you find him when he can’t find you.